feels like a lifetime

it’s been so long since i’ve written “for real.” it’s been that i’ve withheld so many details of my life till a good friend of mine advised me to “…write your entries for yourself and the people are just reading it.”

i daresay that’s a good advice that i intend to take. of course, there have been advice in the past, and even in the present that i fail to accept, or listen to. that needs to be remedied soon, but the problem is — … that i’m unable to proceed further because i’m afraid about what others think. i suppose i just need to swallow my pride.

now… since my move from south carolina, my life has been changing — drastically, at that. after returning to california, i reapplied for enrollment at my old school, csdr. surprisingly, they accepted and allowed me to be a student there despite my academic struggles in years past.

so there, i attended the last few years of my high school career, until i got so fed up with the high school atmosphere and staff working against me. i felt that the school wasn’t helping and finally dropped out of high school to pursue my general equivalency diploma. at the time, i was also moving to long beach to live with one of my friends’ family.

i’ve learnt quite a bit at the family’s home, until to the point when i showed my “true colors” and had screwed up so much i had to leave at the request of the friend’s mother. i also, at that point, did so many things wrong that i still regret to this day. there isn’t a day, or night, that goes by when i don’t think about what i did.

at that point, i respectfully packed up my things and left with my friends who were visiting at the same time. i left to lake arrowhead for a couple weeks’ refuge but soon i wore out my welcome and i rather disliked being cooped up. at that point, i began arrangements to move to san diego where i will live (at the time) with nathan “nate” maffioli, and peter baker.

from there, my life began to stabilize but still in such disarray. i began to fix things that i did wrong, and i’m still very much on the long road to recovery — only that i may never recover from my scars. i will live with my mistakes for years to come.